There are many types of folks who ride scooters, all of us individuals in our own right. But Nuclia Waste is one of those riders that just grabs your attention. Is it because she is a drag queen on a scooter.. maybe.. but there is so much more to her. She is a star in her own right, as is her vespa Et4 painted green with orange flames. This is why it made me sad to read that it was stolen and trashed. I include here her story in her own words. (You can also read local news coverage here)
My Vespa Scooter Theft Adventure
OR Why You Should Never Ever Steal A Scooter From A Drag Queen....
By Nuclia Waste
It was a dark and stormy night. Well, not really. Actually, it was a beautiful bright and sunny day in Colorado. Mr. Waste and I had decided to go camping over the July 4th weekend in the beauitful Colorado Rocky Mountains, so we left our house in Denver about noon on Saturday. Later that evening, a friend of mine, Michele, spotted my fluorescent green Vespa scooter with the hot pink flames (the one made famous in the April issue of Forbes magazine) zooming down Colfax Avenue. She immediately recognizes the scooter, but the person driving it does not have big green hair and three boobs.
Michele sends an email telling me about what she has witnessed, but of course I am still frolicking in the wilderness with the gay motorcycle club, The Rocky Mountaineers. So, upon our return on home on Sunday morning about 10:30 am, we discover our garage door wide open and the my famous green Vespa scooter gone! I immediately called the Denver police and filled out a stolen vehicle report with the officer who arrived. While we are standing there, a neighbor comes up and tells us that he saw three suspicious youths walking through our alleys on Saturday afternoon.
Knowing the police probably are not going to make a stolen scooter a priority, even if it does belong to Nuclia Waste, I decided it might not be a bad idea to go look for it myself.
In my best Angela "Murder She Wrote" Lansbury, I deduced:
1. If these kids were on foot, they might live nearby.
2. Being kids, they might have stolen it for kicks and a joy ride.
3. Being kids, they probably are not too bright and don't realize this is the most famous scooter in the city of Denver, and maybe the country. That custom green paint job can be seen for miles away.
4. With it being a beautiful day on Sunday, they might be riding it right now.
So I venture out to look for the darn thing. My friend Tai Beldock, who owns EricoMotorsports/Vespa Denver where I bought the scooter, calls and offers to help get my Vespa GT200 scooter out of their shop which was there for an oil change. (Thank goodness for that, or they might have stolen both! Note to others: Always have a second scooter stashed away somewhere for backup.)
So now you've got one pissed drag queen with some very fast wheels riding around Denver looking for some very hot wheels. You know there's gonna be trouble in Vehicle Theft Land!
Within one hour, I find my scooter being ridden by two kids not very far from my house. The scooter is still green but now I'm very red. I block them in with my scooter and tell them, "Get off that bike, park it, turn off the engine. You are riding a stolen bike and I am calling the police.'
Now the kid driving the bike is 16 and his 10 year old brother is riding on the back. The little brother takes off but the older kid just stands there with me. I call 911 for the police and we wait around for the while. The whole time I am thinking this kid is going to bolt at any minute. But he does not. (I was REALLY right about the not too bright part.)
So we wait for the police and I chat the kid up. He says he got the scooter "from a friend" and he thought it might be stolen. Of course, I am not believing any of this. He also tells me he just got out of jail a few days ago. Lovely. Then he asks if he can use my cell phone to call his mother.
"OK. Hmmm, let's see. You probably stole my scooter. You've trashed, wrecked and defaced the bike beyond recognition. And now you want to use the minutes on my cell phone. I think the answer is ......NO!!!!"
The police finally arrive. The kid has no ID and gives a name that apparently is not real. So they put him in handcuffs and tell him he is not under arrest, but they need to detain him in order to sort out his real information.
After verifying the VIN number on the scooter and confirming it is mine and matches the stolen vehicle report I filed just hours ago, the police do arrest the kid and haul him off the jail.
Tai Beldock and her husband John arrive on the scene for some moral support. Her husband thinks the bike will have to be totaled. Most likely the frame is bent. Not as bent as my attitude, I can tell you. The poor scooter, trashed, crashed and bashed, is hauled off to the impound lot for fingerprinting.
A few days later the detective working on the case informs me the kid is being charged with a Class 5 Felony, Theft By Receiving. Since he admitted to me that he thought the bike might be stolen and he was driving it, that right there is a crime in Denver. And since the scooter is a licensed motorized vehicle, it is treated just like any auto theft case.
I am afraid the Nuclia scooter had to be put down. Sniff, sniff. I never loved anything so much before that vibrated between my legs. The scooter was totaled. Luckily, my auto insurance came through with enough money for me to make plans for the Nuclia 2 Scooter. It will be bigger, faster and greener. Vespa comes out with the new GTS 250cc scooter in the spring and the green paint is ready to go when the first one drives off the boat.
So my stolen scooter story does have a happy ending. And a moral too.
Moral of the Story: Never, ever steal from a drag queen. She will hunt you down and make you pay. And she'll look fabulous the whole time she'd doing it.
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